I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
