You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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