Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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