Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
