Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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