I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
