Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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