and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
