Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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