Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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