are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
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