my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
