he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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