i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
