She is in my trunk
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
