Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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