I will die if light touches me.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
