you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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