i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
