I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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