You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
