Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
