1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
