And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
