not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
