She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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