dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
