you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
