he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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