A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I sprained my soul last night
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
