You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
do herpes really smell.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
