SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
