i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
