Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
