plz talk dirty to me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im holly from the hills drunk
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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