Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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