can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
