Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
