That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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