A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
