So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
