I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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