hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
