hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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