it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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