My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
