I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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