I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
