You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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