My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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