Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
