i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I supernannyed him into submission
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
