people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
