um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
