i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
