...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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