you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
