i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
