I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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